By Rev. Fr. C. Joseph | EMN
Why people come for counseling is best explained in the single word pain. It does not matter what the problem is, whether it be in terms of relational breakdown, physical trauma, lack of confidence, anxiety, fear or phobia, the client perceives their personal situation as painful.
Understanding the problem as ‘pain’ cuts psychiatry associated with counselling. ‘Pain’ is very simple for both the counsellor and the client to understand. If you are committed to a certain school of psycho-dynamic approach because of your professional background there may be a danger of seeing and approaching problems in a specific way and delivering ‘set’ solutions to set problems, rather than dealing with your client’s actual predicament.
When problems or difficulties are thought of as ‘pain’ for the client then we are more likely to individualize our approach and our efforts are directed to the eradication and immediate cause, rather than trying to fit symptoms to a pertinent pathology. Nor is it likely that we will be sidetracked to work to a specific theory rather than dealing with the major presenting issue – pain.
Clients, too, are more likely to be frank and open when talking about their ‘pain’, rather than their ‘problem’. Pain is socially acceptable because it is universal; whereas problems are perceived in some way as having been brought about by the individual and can present the individual as in some way being inadequate.
Put simply, you are effective as a counsellor to the degree to which your client’s pain is reduced. That is, can he now manage himself and his situation better – either through himself or resources which were not previously available? Elegant and ornate psycho-dynamic explanations of counselling are for case notes: they are not substitutes for effectiveness in the counselling relationship.
Ultimately it is the client who is in control of his own destiny and the outcomes of the counselling process. One of the fundamentals of counselling is that individuals have within them all that they need to overcome their problems.
Who benefits from the counselling process? Both parties, for it actually helps the counsellor in a variety of ways. It is difficult to help another unless you know and understand yourself and the deeper that understanding of self, the more effective your counselling. Personal growth comes from within and through the process of helping others. We learn so much from our clients.
This is why all trainees in counselling are themselves counselled (this is called being under supervision). We develop ourselves in and through our relationship with others. Thus in working with others we develop a deeper understanding of ourselves.
The skills of the counsellor spill over into most other areas of life. In our daily lives it is beneficial to be able to get in and out of rapport, to listen and to interpret the behavior of ourselves and others. This makes us more complete as individuals as well as enabling us to build deeper, more rewarding relationships. So being a counsellor brings a cornucopia of rewards as a parent, friend or partner.
You will discover that you learn so much from your clients and in helping them you also help yourself to resolve your own difficulties and problems, for none of us are exempt from the growing pains or vicissitudes of life.
Finally, there is the status that being a counsellor brings – improving your standing at work and in the community at large, increasing your confidence, bringing personal satisfaction and self-respect. It is wholesome to know that you are making an active and positive contribution to the wellness of humankind. In a world which is red in tooth and claws it is a noble privilege to care for another.
Counsellors must show complete commitment and care for their clients as unique individuals. This caring comes without any preconditions. There are no bargains, deals or limitations placed upon the client, nor are the client’s behavior, thoughts or feelings evaluated as good or bad, just accepted. The counsellor approaches the client as someone who is entitled to feelings and to their unique experiences, perceptions and judgments without fear or losing the counsellor’s positive regard. Some behaviours are, of course, unacceptable to the counsellor but even in these rare circumstances his attitude towards the client should remain positive – the behavior is not acceptable but the person is.
One always has to remember that people have spent a lifetime investing in their behavior, habits, values and beliefs and so it is difficult for them to give up such a hard-earned investment lightly – even if it is in their long-term interest.
Conclusion: Let us assist people to explore and resolve difficulties they are experiencing clarify conflicting issues and help them discover alternative ways of managing themselves and situations, so that they can decide what course of action or behavior is helpful to them. Essentially let us help them to help themselves. Those called upon immediately to help reduce the pain of another, such as that brought by bereavement, job loss, physical or sexual abuse, are not always the professionally trained counsellors but often the parent, friend, manager, nurse, doctor, policeman or cleric, any of whom can do much to relieve the pain of crisis by listening, hearing and understanding what the other person is experiencing at the particular time. Just being there for the person, sharing their pain, showing genuine care, concern and warmth can be immensely helpful.
