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One lazy Saturday afternoon, as my mother and I sat aimlessly scrolling through our phones, she mentioned almost in a breath, as if it were a fleeting thought that she wanted to do something more meaningful with her life–like starting a food or flower business, both of which are her passions, and have a source of income of her own. This made me equally happy and sad at the same time; happy because, even at fifty-five, she remained undaunted in her pursuit of goals and in her desire to change the course of her life, but sad because that desire seemed to stem from societal comparisons, leaving her feeling unworthy and insignificant in light of where she was in life. Her business prospect, however inspiring and empowering, was more of a rhetorical reflection of what she was grappling with internally than a concrete plan. This experience with my mother led me down a rabbit hole of reflection, exploring the ever-changing nature of our views and the lifelong quest for self-discovery.
From childhood to adulthood, we find ourselves at numerous crossroads, caught in the whirlwind of choosing one path among many, each with the potential to shape the trajectory of our lives. These choices can range from selecting hobbies and friendships in our early years to later decisions like selecting the right stream for higher studies, deciding on a career, navigating relationships, managing financial priorities, and pursuing personal passions. The multitude of options can feel overwhelming and paralysing at times, and the fear that choosing one excludes all other possibilities is a universal human dilemma. In such a state of mind, decision-making can be a daunting task, laden with “what ifs” and the fear of missing out on other opportunities weigh heavily on each choice.
The Fig Tree analogy in Sylvia Plath’s novel ‘The Bell Jar’ masterfully encapsulates this feeling of indecisiveness, which, I believe, comes from lack of self-knowledge and fear of failure. Each fig represents a different life path, and the fear of choosing one over the others paralyses us into inaction. Many struggle to articulate what they truly want in life; their goals and aspirations often become an amalgamation of varied interests and passions, influenced by societal expectations and peer pressure, without any clear direction to pursue. The challenge of truly understanding who we are feels even more elusive in today’s screen-dominated era, where our identities and interests are easily swayed by social media and the opinion of others, exacerbating the conundrum of finding our authentic selves amid the insatiable craving for external validation.
While it is important to set clear values, beliefs, and principles of our own, which serves as a compass to navigate life, we must acknowledge that change is inevitable, and our interests and perspectives keep shifting with every new challenge, growth and experience we encounter in life. What feels fulfilling to us today can shift over time. We must understand that the fig we choose is just a step in the process and not a single defining moment. Each choice we make plays its part in the overall narrative of self that is in becoming, and sometimes the path to one fig may still allow us to explore others later in life.
It is essential to consider that self-discovery is not about finding a fixed, final version of ourselves but rather about embracing the fluid, evolving nature of our identity, shaped by time and experiences. It is about adapting to uncertainty and allowing ourselves the grace to make choices, change course, and redefine who we are along the way. It is entirely natural to feel confused and lost at times and to question the purpose of our existence. It is easy to feel like everyone but us has everything figured out. While it may seem that a few individuals have their paths mapped out, it is likely that many are struggling with the same crisis.
Though there is no probable antidote to this predicament, the key is to find harmony and fulfilment in the intangible aspects of life—nurturing meaningful relationships, creating unforgettable memories, investing in hobbies and passions, and engaging in self-reflection and growth. By focusing on what truly matters and aligning our goals and priorities with our core values, practising self-compassion, and embracing life's inherent unpredictability can ultimately guide us toward a deeper sense of peace and fulfilment. In the end, it is this balance between self-discovery and acceptance that allows us to navigate life’s tumultuous journey with grace and purpose.
Epibeni Z Kikon