The Eight Shades of Love with a Focus on Agape

In the Western languages, the word “love” does not clearly distinguish various meanings of what is intended. For instance, “I love God” or “I love my children” or “I love Pizza”- all use the word “love”. Does love mean the same thing in these three examples? Certainly not. In Greek there are eight different meanings for the word “love”.

1.            Philia

Philia expresses love of personal affection and does not involve intelligence or high purposes. It is a feeling that finds attraction in another person and it expects a return.

It is affectionate love and the ancient Greeks valued philia far above eros because it was considered a love between equals.

It is platonic to mean, without physical attraction. Philia is a type of love that is felt among friends who’ve endured hard times together.

2.            Ludus

Ludus is playful love. Although ludus has a bit of the eros in it, it is much more than that. The Greeks thought of ludus as a playful form of love. Ludus is that feeling we have when we go through the early or teenage stages of falling in love or crush with someone, flirting, teasing, and feelings of euphoria.

3.            Philautia

Philautia is self love. This is the desire to do something, to be occupied, to be in prominence. The Greeks understood that in order to care for others, we must first learn to care for ourselves.

Philautia in its healthiest form shares the Buddhist philosophy of “self-compassion” which is the deep understanding that only once you have the strength to love yourself and feel comfortable in your own skin, will you be able to provide love to others. As Aristotle put it, “All friendly feelings for others are an extension of a man’s feelings for himself.” You cannot share what you do not have. If you do not love yourself, you cannot love anyone else either. This concept of love contradicts the Word of God.

4.            Eros

Eros is erotic love. Eros represents the idea of sexual passion and desire. The ancient Greeks considered Eros to be dangerous as it involves a “loss of self control”. It is the instinct or impulse to procreate. Eros is a passionate and intense form of love that arouses romantic and sexual feelings. It is a physical attraction which must not be confused with agape and philia.

5.            Storge

This is love and closely resembles phileo in that it is a love without physical attraction, storge is primarily to do with kinship and familiarity. Storge is a natural form of affection that often flows between parents and their children, and children for their parents.

Storge includes the affection between brothers or sisters, soldiers in trenches and team-mates playing together. It is the feeling of camaraderie where each member must defend the members of the pack.

6.            Mania

This is obsessive love. Mania love is a type of love that leads a partner into a type of madness and obsessiveness. It occurs when there is an imbalance between eros and ludus.

Mania love may be the result of poor self-esteem. This person wants to love and be loved to find a sense of self-value. Because of this, they can become possessive and jealous lovers.

7.            Pragma

Pragma is enduring love that has aged, matured and developed over time. It is beyond the physical, it has transcended the casual, and it is a unique harmony that has formed over time.

You can find pragma in married couples who’ve been together for a long time, or in friendships that have endured for a lifetime.

Unlike the other types of love, pragma is the result of efforts on both sides. It’s the love between people who’ve learned to make compromises, have demonstrated patience and tolerance to make the relationship work.

8.            Agape

Agape is selfless unconditional love. This is the highest and most radical type of love. The concept of agape is vastly superior to any other form of love. In essence “Agape” is a permanent benevolent attitude toward God and human beings, without any condition, that freely springs out of the agape God has placed in the heart of His own. It is a love that does not need anything in return. Agape is often referred to as Spiritual Love.

We can only agape others only if God has firstly filled us up with His agape. All the other forms of love need a reaction, a return to maintain themselves.

“This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” 1 John 4:10

John distinguishes agape love from any other kinds of love. It is not that “we loved God”, as Paul’s opponents claimed, but that “He loved us.” Agape love can be given to God only when it has first been received from God. It exists only as a response to His initial love for us. God’s love for us defines what true love requires—the commitment to sacrifice one’s best. So for God, love required that He send His best, His beloved Son, the atoning sacrifice for all our sins.

“The Word became flesh and made His dwelling among us. We have seen His glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth” (John 1:14)

Jesus Christ is fully God, but in the fullness of time He became fully man, a man in flesh and blood. He was incarnated by the power of the Holy Ghost, in the womb of Mary. He tabernacled among us in His human nature. God demonstrated His agape love for mankind through the person of Jesus Christ. He left His heavenly throne and adoring angelic hosts. He chose to humble Himself and pitched His tent among fallen mankind. He gave Himself up as the unblemished sacrificial Lamb of God on the Cross for our sins so that we might be rescued from the wages of sin and have eternal life through Him.

Selie Visa

(The writer can be reached at: selievisa@rediffmail.com)