Premarital Counseling – What, Who and Why

Marriage is one of the most significant commitments two individuals will ever make. Yet, many couples enter marriage unprepared. Often, more time is spent planning the wedding day than preparing for life together. In a rapidly evolving society which is marked by cultural shifts, inter-cultural marriages, and increasing relationship pressures, premarital counseling is no longer optional; it is essential. Couples today need more than just love and chemistry to build a lasting relationship. They need understanding, clarity, and intentional preparation.

However, without knowing what premarital counseling is, who provides it, where to seek it, who it is meant for, and why it is important, many fail to recognise its significance and worth. Therefore, this write-up attempts to clarify these key questions: What is premarital counseling? Who provides it? Who is it for? And why is it important?

What is Premarital Counseling?

Premarital counseling in Nagaland is done both informally and formally. When a pastor or church leader meets with an engaged couple to spend some time offering marriage advice, sharing biblical teachings, personal experiences, praying together, etc., this is often considered an informal form of premarital counseling.

Formal premarital counseling, on the other hand, is a structured and guided process that helps couples prepare for marriage by addressing critical areas of their relationship. This is conducted either by a counseling professional or a pastor who has received specific training in this area. In formal sessions, the focus is typically on key topics such as spirituality, communication, conflict resolution, financial management, family dynamics, expectations around roles, personality differences, parenting, and more.

Who Provides Premarital Counseling

In Nagaland, premarital counseling is primarily offered by two groups: counseling professionals and church pastors or leaders. Each brings unique strengths and some limitations. Below is the pros and cons of each:

Counseling professionals:

1. Use structured assessment tools (e.g., personality tests, communication style inventories).

2. Sessions are structured, goal-oriented, and time-intensive.

3. Payment is required for services.

4. Professional counseling services are less accessible in rural areas.

5. May not provide spiritual guidance unless they are faith-based professionals.

Church pastors/leaders:

1. Offer spiritual and moral guidance rooted in Scripture.

2. Are familiar with the couple’s community and cultural context.

3. Often provide counseling for free or at a low cost.

4. May lack formal counseling training.

5. Have limited time due to other pastoral responsibilities.

6. May not be equipped with formal assessment tools.

Ideally, a combined approach - receiving both professional and pastoral counseling offers the most holistic preparation for marriage.

Who is Premarital Counseling For?

Premarital counseling is for:

1. Engaged couples preparing to marry in the near future.

2. Couples in a serious relationship, considering long-term commitment.

3. It is not just for struggling couples, but for every couple intending to marry.

Why Premarital Counseling Matters

Here’s why it is vital:

1. Reduces divorce: Divorce is becoming rampant, and while we have no absolute control over it, premarital counseling helps reduce the risk by 31% according to SYMBIS research.

2. Inter-tribe and cross-cultural marriages are on the rise, which calls for greater understanding and preparation

3. Creates a safe space to have difficult conversations and brainstorm together.

4. Prepares couples to face the storms of married life ahead of time.

5. Psycho educates couples on healthy communication and conflict resolution.

6. Uncovers expectations—about spirituality, roles, finances, children, and more.

7. Enhances awareness of both self and one’s partner.

8. Grounds the marriage foundation on the Word of God.

9. Equips couples to thrive in marriage, not just survive.

In today’s complex world, love alone is not enough. Successful marriages are built intentionally. Marriage is a lifelong journey and therefore taking time to prepare through premarital counseling is an act of love, wisdom, and maturity. If you are planning to marry or know someone who is (planning to marry), encourage them to take this vital step. Investing in a few hours of counseling now can save years of confusion, conflict, and regret later. Prepare not just for the wedding day, but beyond for the married life. Because if you view marriage not just as a contract or for convenience but for ‘till death, do you part,’ it deserves preparation. Let us normalise and encourage premarital counseling as a standard practice before marriage. Churches, community leaders, and families should advocate for it, and young couples should be bold enough to seek it. As I always say, "It is the best investment for your married life."

Dr. Nighatoli P. Achumi

Pastoral Counselor and SYMBIS Facilitator

Insight Institute of Christian Counseling, Sovima