Pray to Lose: The Paradox of Losing to Gain

Most of the time, our prayers are about gaining. We pray for success in exams, good health for our families, financial stability, career breakthroughs, and protection in times of uncertainty. We ask for blessings, comfort, open doors, and favour. This is not wrong. In fact, Jesus taught us to pray for “our daily bread” (Matthew 6:11). God cares deeply for our needs, and the Bible is full of promises that He provides for His children. Yet if we examine our prayer life carefully, we will see that it often leans heavily toward asking God to add something to us. Rarely do we stop and pray for the things we must lose. And yet, sometimes the most powerful prayer is not, “Lord, give me,” but rather, “Lord, take this away from me.”

The Things We Need to Lose

There are certain attitudes and behaviours that cling to us and weigh us down like heavy chains. Anger that lashes out in hurtful words, jealousy that keeps us from celebrating the success of others, bitterness that poisons relationships, pride that blinds us to our own faults, selfishness that makes us indifferent to others’ needs, stinginess that withholds generosity, and an unforgiving spirit that hardens the heart. These are the inner enemies of the soul. While we pray for external blessings, how often do we pray for these destructive things to be removed?

C.S. Lewis once remarked that prayer is not about changing God but about changing us. If this is true, then one of the most important prayers we can pray is not for more possessions or achievements, but for God to strip away what prevents us from becoming like Christ.

The Paradox of Losing to Gain

The teaching of Jesus confronts us with a divine paradox: “Whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it” (Matthew 16:25). These words reveal that in God’s kingdom, losing is not always defeat—it is often the doorway to true life. To deny ourselves is not to despise ourselves, but to surrender the self-centered life so that Christ’s life can grow within us.

The apostle Paul understood this when he wrote, “I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord” (Philippians 3:8). Paul had every reason to boast of his achievements, yet he prayed and lived as if none of it mattered compared to Christ. For him, losing status, reputation, and pride was not a tragedy but liberation.

Theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer, who lived and died resisting Nazi tyranny, captured this truth in his classic The Cost of Discipleship. He wrote, “When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die.” To follow Christ, we must be willing to lose—not only outward comforts but also the inner idols that compete with Him for our hearts.

How Praying to Lose Transforms Us

Praying to lose is not merely an exercise in humility; it is a path of deep transformation. First, it becomes a mirror. When we ask God to take away jealousy, pride, or bitterness, we are forced to confront the uncomfortable truth that these things live within us. Prayer becomes not only a way of asking but also a way of awakening.

Second, praying to lose awakens the conscience. John Calvin observed that the human heart is a “factory of idols.” Left unchecked, we become blind to our sins, assuming we are spiritually secure while pride and self-righteousness creep in. A prayer focused on losing dismantles these illusions. It pricks our conscience and exposes the subtle sins we might otherwise excuse.

Third, it humbles us. St. Augustine wrote, “It was pride that changed angels into devils; it is humility that makes men as angels.” When we pray to lose pride, we are praying for the very humility that allows God’s grace to fill our hearts. Without humility, our prayers for gain risk becoming self-serving. With humility, our prayers open us to transformation.

Praying to lose leads us to true gain. G.K. Chesterton once noted that “the Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and left untried.” Praying to lose feels difficult—it is a prayer against the grain of our natural desires. Yet when we dare to pray it, we find freedom. To lose bitterness is to gain peace. To lose jealousy is to gain joy. To lose selfishness is to gain love. To lose pride is to gain intimacy with God.

Losing in the Eyes of the World, Gaining in the Eyes of God

The culture around us tells us that success is measured by how much we accumulate—wealth, status, recognition, influence. But in God’s economy, success is measured differently. John the Baptist’s words about Jesus are striking: “He must increase, but I must decrease” (John 3:30). In the world’s eyes, John was losing his following. But in God’s eyes, he was fulfilling his purpose.

In the same way, when we pray to lose, the world may not understand. People may see it as weakness, resignation, or even failure. Yet in truth, we are being set free from chains that no material gain can break. We are exchanging small blessings for the greatest blessing: life with God.

A Call to Pray Differently

Brethren, it is not wrong to pray for blessings, for success, or for daily needs. But let us also learn the prayer that dares to lose. Let us pray to lose our anger, our pride, our jealousy, our unforgiving hearts, our selfishness, and our complacency. For in losing these, we gain far more than we could ever imagine.

Perhaps this is among the greatest prayers the church needs today —not merely prayers for prosperity, but prayers for purity; not only prayers for protection, but prayers for transformation. We do not become Christlike by adding more to our lives, but by subtracting what keeps us from Him.

Praying to lose may sound strange in a world that measures everything by winning. But the gospel tells us that losing ourselves is the very way to find life. So let us not shy away from this prayer. It is a prayer that humbles, convicts, and transforms. And in the end, this prayer brings us closest to God—the greatest gain and the richest blessing.

Liba Hopeson