MULLINGS
Easterine Kire
«While shepherds washed
Their socks by night
All seated on the ground,
The angel of the Lord came down
And no one turned around.”
(Michael Leunig, Australian poet, cartoonist and cultural commentator)
[dropcap]I [/dropcap]have a brand new invention brewing at the moment and all it needs is a volunteer scientist who can work out the technicalities.
I have a feeling many overweight men and women would be happy to spend money on my new invention. They won’t be the only ones. Young mothers are going to rush to stock it in their closets and medicine cabinets. The market is wide enough to include single men who no longer live with their mothers, and career women with little time to wash socks in the work week. For families, a retail section is already in progress with warehouses in border villages along the Barak river.
It is a time-saving, stress-busting, heart-friendly mechanism called Spray-on socks. Now you can laugh away all those morning hours wasted in looking for missing socks. Or the annoying problem of having one of a pair and never finding the matching side. Forget the discomfort of bending over a middle aged middle spread to pull your socks on. Spray-on socks will solve all that for you. And you can put it on in almost any position that is comfortable for you. For those who like to put on their socks sitting down, they can continue in that posture. Aim the can at the desired areas and spray away. If there are any exposed areas, spray doubly over the areas so as to completely cover them. It is also quite possible to use the can standing up, provided you have something to hold on to while you are standing on one foot, and spraying the other foot. Spray-on dries in six to seven seconds, so don’t worry, you won’t be standing on one foot for long.
Ideally, the thickness of the spray should be about a tenth of a centimeter. But socks are a very individual matter and really, it is up to the user to find a density that suits him or her.The sprays come in different density packs. For winter use, the wool mix spray is recommended. We are still working on an ideal wool and synthetic mix that could be used by adventurous trekkers in winter temperatures.
Are you wondering if there are any sprays for school socks? Wonder no more. There is a whole array of assorted sprays in different colors to cater to uniform socks. Not only do they come in several colors, you can also get additional mini-cans to spray the required white or yellow lines across the borders. Be sure to ask for them separately in the shop. They are called line cans, to differentiate them from the normal cans.
The company is also working on a ladies’ section with customized sprays for ankle socks. Our factories are developing ladies’ stockings in latex and other environment friendly materials. The brilliant thing about Spray-ons is that it has overcome the challenge of size. No more wondering if you are a small or medium or large or extra large, or even an extra extra large. Simply spray on your favorite color in your preferred size. No one need ever know. It will all remain between you and your Spray-on.
One question remains. What about getting it off? It’s all very well to spray it on, but is getting off your socks going to be a labour-filled, time consuming activity that defeats the whole purpose of using Spray-on socks in the first place? Not at all.
Spray-on socks can be washed off easily without any extra scrubbing. All Spray-on products are completely wash-offable. All you need is a bit of soap and water. Just decide at what time you feel you are done for the day and then safely wash them off in the privacy of your own bathroom.
Spray-on socks. Remember you saw it here first. Oops, have I been talking in my sleep again?
