K. Ritse, Chairman, APMC Pfutsero
[dropcap]T[/dropcap]he individual roles that a mother and father play in child rearing vary widely in different parts of the world. In traditional families the mother most often plays the lead role and the father as the primary provider assisting with childrearing. Today many different common arrangements are not found rare. Whatever the arrangement, child psychology experts agree that it is equally important that both the mother and the father play an active supportive and loving role in child upbringing. Children need to feel secure in both their physical and emotional environment in order to develop a healthy emotional self.
The sociological term of human social life begins from interaction with each other and that is the process of socialization. The social influences of human being; such as peer group influence, age group influence, generation gaps, and over all fashions and habits, involved in human interaction while living with each other. The developed and under developed or undeveloped society emerged just because of our living standard and its life habits. The more you are stable in life so far as the economic and sustainability is concerned, the survival of life in the near future is well prepared to face the future and with your accumulation of wealth you are more developed in life and worry less for your children and grand children. That become the asset of your family and all human beings go for that in a tough competitive society of so called civilization and globalization. To add in that line we are living in a computerized society and the digital number usage of life dominate the whole population. The exposure of good or bad in the society matters a lot in shaping one’s life. To talk about the negative aspect of life it is no wonder that the sociology termed as mob mentality, juvenile delinquency, prostitution, thieve and robbery, mercenaries (hired killing) suicide squad so on and so forth all present in all categories and stages of different back ground of life. When go deeper in the field of religion there are merciless killings, self tortures in many forms, various sacrifices, self molestations, fast unto death in order to gain the favor of their own Gods and also to gain the strength of tolerance and make our self closure to our belief and faith and attainment of enlighten (Ahimsa) in life. Each and every year we find various pilgrimages tour performed by various religious groups to the originated religion places. The Hindus to renounced religious places such as Rishikesh, Haridwar, and more remote places in the mighty great Himalayan ranges for attainment of peace and happiness in life. The Muslims people as a whole; to travel far-off abroad countries and places etc to purify their life in the line of religion. Even; the Christians to visit the biblical important places such as Bethlehem, Calvary, and other important places and countries in order to get more blessing in life. All these pilgrimages involved a huge expenditures and time consuming factor to get religious obligations in life. All these mentioned human interaction and exposures are nothing but a process of human socialization. There is nothing wrong in doing such socialization because human being in general is a social being.
In psychological term of parenting role begins right from the time the child is conceived in mother’s womb till the death of individual life. The factors dominantly involved in shaping the individual life as per the psychologist are hereditary, D.N.A, Genes and environmental influences etc. The human mentality as such is so vast that blood related influences and the condition of human life play great role in shaping the individual behaviors, manners and mind-sets. Various psychological theories when applied in individual’s life and make a detail study in human character, there comes the overall conclusive life of human individual. Some of the prominent psychological theories; such as stimulation theory, theory of learning, Libido theory etc plays a great role in determining the individual life. On top of that the illusion, delusion, phobia, addiction, schizophrenia, fear psychosis, convulsion, hypnotize techniques, brain wash tactics etc. also matters a lot in shaping the human mental disorder side of human life. This type of various habits shapes human character which includes manner and behavior. Ultimately in general it is used as norms, tradition and culture. Lastly it is expressed as customary laws and its usages.
In anthropological term, human character and behavior are studied extensively in the light of climate evolution, size, shape and formation of physical body. On an evolutionary basis man has undergone certain behavioral changes from Stone Age to present man such as culture being manipulated to the environment through various technologies to satisfy his needs and desires. The transition from Stone Age to present day of life was a slow process and many behavioral changes in the form of simpler to complex thinking, making and invention of tools and machineries for various farming. An anthropological study also includes the study of palm imprints, sole imprints, finger imprints, genetic factors, form of hairs, noses, stature to consider the whole structure of human physical body and to draw a line of a particular race or physical features into determination of one’s individual. Certain race, tribe or groups have unique behavioral patterns, cultural and psychological patterns like tattooing, scarification, ornaments and clothing indicating the diverse thinking of human around the world.
Apart from all other variations in behavioral pattern of environmental factors and the genetic materials, DNA equally plays an important role in a child’s behavior. A child’s behavioral pattern is right away formed from intrauterine development or mother’s womb. For example: Infants prenatally exposed to heroin or methadone become psychologically addicted; they show symptoms of drug withdrawal like restlessness, irritability, tremors, vomiting, fever convulsions etc. As a child grows older, environmental factors like physical environment including both inanimate and animate like food, clothing, and shelter etc, Social environment like individuals, groups, laws, customs, and religion, Psychological environment like love, affection etc equally plays an important role in development of behavior. Hereditarily the sum total of all traits potentially present in the fertilized ovum for which offspring’s resemble their parents or grandparents is the most dominating factor controlling changes in a child’s behavior. If the conditions are favorable a child can develop inherited physical and mental traits to their maximum potential but can never alter them. So it is rightly said by our Naga forefathers even though they didn’t receive any formal education on heredity or genetics that before one chooses his/her life partner certain qualities like leadership, richness, and witchcraft etc were kept in mind for a happy life. In other words it refers to “child like father or vice versa”. This very connotation in interpreting the family lineage is still a common factor in deciding the well being of the future family and the Naga society is well aware of upcoming family in the Naga society. The connotation usually advised the Naga children, was not to give the liberty to choose his/her own life partner. Through a lot of consultation, considerations and open deliberation of the “would be partnership” background or family lineage, the decision was taken. The parents usually teach their children that the breed to whom he/she is going to marry could not be of bad tracts and said that the same seed of a vegetable varies in fruits bearings when cultivated in the farm and advice the children to choice the good breed.
Parenting role of Naga society is deeper and more practical in the formation of moral values and ethical values in a child. No doubt genetic factors like DNA and also blood relationship plays a major parenting role in Naga society. Even in a village population parenting role differs from parent to parent because of the vast spectrum of individual attitude i.e. mindset in the present era. The talents of individuals and its application in practical life of parents matters a lot in dealing with their children.
Despite the differences there is a common cultural ethics of Nagas in dealing their children i.e. the traditional usage and cultural values of Naga society. The code of human dealings in Naga society is mostly same in terms of norms. Such a code of conduct is generalized in all the Naga society which knits together the society and therein lays the unique history and distinct identity identified by other people or foreigners. It is neither coincidental nor by chance that Nags have earned this uniqueness and distinguished identity rather this uniqueness could be something which crept in the minds of Nagas for years and years together.
It is very much convinced that Naga socialization in various stages of human life makes us distinctive and unique in nature. It could be the upbringing of a child and nurturing the qualities by their parent right from the beginning of their birth. The habit of dealing with children could be different from what other world parents do in a given guidance. It is also not by hypnotizing and brainwashing the children right from birth but it is rather through constant day to day life interaction between parents and children that could be the reason why we Nagas have such unique parenting qualities in the world population.
When we deal with the cultural and traditional values of a society, norm usages, family ethics etc are the main factors contributing towards one’s identity. This uniqueness of such values and way of living are infused by the parents of that family and passed to their children from generation to generation resulting in formation of traditional and cultural values. Such values again develop into habits and way of life for that particular society. When such habit again used for a long period of time by parents is inculcated in their younger generation.
The constant handling over of such good or bad habits from one generation to another follows a continuous pattern. The value of life had been created and becomes a law of societal life and becomes accepted by everyone. The customary laws and its continuous usage become internalized in one’s life and are also accepted as a codified law of that particular society. Naga society and its customary laws are based on this line of experiences and it can be referred back to the past usages time to time. Tracing back to the societal cultural and traditional values, its norms and usages from its inception such practices mostly originated from the parent to a child educating system. When recollected back the role of parents in shaping one’s own life, we all might have a lot to say as to how the Naga parents taught you with a practical life in various stages of life. At any stipulated stage of life right from childhood pampering life to teenage and come to youthful energetic life the messages were vividly remembered and still very much alive in one individual life. Therefore the shaping of one individual life in Naga society had been a direct contribution of what and how the Naga parents lived and taught their children for their wellbeing. All Nagas had been very much indebted to their own parents from time immemorial. In this topic of past parenting role of Naga society let me recalled the strict and forceful guidance given by my father and mother in my life long. It is for this very reason the quality of life as recorded in the Naga history as commented by the writers and historians such honest, bravery, courageous, straightforward, humble, hospitability and generous etc were recorded as the background of Naga society in the past years even during the most drastic and horrified period of head hunting days of the Naga society. In such period of hectic and survival of the fittest period of life where there had been no security and life certainty or no fate of individual existence of life because of rough and tough life styles in the line of food habits and climatic conditions and the environmental health hazards and the fear of various wild beast in the thick and virgin natural forest, the Naga society prevailed good nature of human quality of life was the most wonder thing in the life. After the human grouping came into existence as village unit, there was neither theft nor robbery. All the Naga villages were key and lock free houses and no one bother for any seen or unseen technique of snatching or secretly claimed each other’s property. What a blessed socialization the Naga society had chosen as its hallmark signed in life. This practice of recognizing each other property and equality of life irrespective all people had no cast or creed in life and the rich people generously thrown feast of merits to all the village population with asking the return of wealth had been very distinct in character when compared to other advanced society.
The past Naga ancestral parents earned a lot of good fame and honors to our Naga children of today’s generation. The earned of good quality life such as honesty, courageous, straight forward, bravery, generosity, simplicity, hospitability and accommodativeness to even the enemies were resulted to comment Nagas as a race of distinct identity and unique history. Even in the present generation such mental picture has been very clear and loud in the Naga society and the Nagas are very proud to recollect such qualities of ancestral life in the past. By claiming the past glory and fame credited to this generation is very good, but no one bother to live in that line of thought through practical life. The indebt qualities of the past Naga life has been kept in a cold storage and never revised in our day to day life in that line of past Naga life. The unique history and distinctive identity was not a magical words earned by our ancestral. Throughout all the hard and unsecured life of the head hunting ancestral people; our fore fathers earned such fame and inherited to this generation faced with a lot of hardships, tolerance and endurance. Claiming our self of such Naga race and boosting ourselves in that line of mind-set decorated by the past glories of ancestral history cannot change our Naga life style. Because the past cannot recall back and decorate our life in reality. Such situation we Nagas faced in our daily life prolongs our Naga indifferent attitude and it is far from reality. Therefore let us dig-out the truth of real Naga identity in the present situation and inculcate such good quality of life to our next generation by way of acknowledging the role of good parenting ideas based on the true spirit of real Nagas. That type of parenting role has been the sole demand of the society to hand over to all Naga children who are the future bright of the society. Compromising such indebt quality of Naga life and giving a lip service to the Naga children cannot inherit the quality of ancestral Naga identity and unique history. History repeat in life, if so this is the right time for the whole Nagas to retrospect our life and make use of such quality of life in practice and use to it as our daily breadth of life for the years to come. This not an easy job for all our fellow people, but this is only the way to inherit our ancestral hard earned reputation.
When recollect the past Naga fathers how and when was the right time to guide and exhort their children in life long process was the overall parenting role played by all the Naga parents irrespective of its background, status, and standard of living. There had been very similarities and same even though the living places were different and environments were not at all same. To be precise clan, khel, village, tribe etc were different; but the parenting role was all the same in all respect. Right from the rituals and blessings given during the festivals of each and every tribe and the pronouncement of words in their own dialects might be different ; but the central ideal when interpreted in the same common understandable language the meanings were same and unique where no society have been practiced and pronounced for the well-being of their children. The fabric which the Naga knits together even today as one and same was no other than this practice of Naga parenting role of the past society.
To illustrate the past parenting role of Naga society, it is my pride to mention some of the pertaining role played by my father and mother during their best period of life and that will never ever forget in life and the role they played for my well-being has been applicable in all my thick and thin life till attained maturity. Looking back the past life of one individual through a small window of experiences in life, one recollect the parenting role played for all of us in a very significant manner. The dealing of parents over their children in various situations could be vividly remembered and that memory still very fresh in our mind of day to day life. Even the most ignorant parents; irrespective of status and family background the Naga parents never allow freedom of children’s life. Like it or not it had been the practice to give guidance to the children of the same age-group in the village and never isolated their words to their own children. Therefore the parenting role was not confined to only their children in guiding and shaping the skill of living based on Naga culture and usages, but handing over the next younger generations through various means of communication and verbal media till the younger generation internalized it and make used the same in their day to day life. Such torch bearer of the Naga quality of life never extinct and still now the old-timers when talk about the life of their young and energetic life stage the endless share of their happiness living under the same umbrella and the feeling of oneness and togetherness were vividly recollected in their life and made very fond of meeting each other and share such good memories in their hours together discussions. Such recollection of good memories among the age-groups in Naga society has been diminished year by year and many people who don’t experience such taste of living together in oneness and togetherness can never feel how good those people enjoyed life in their past life. Recollection of parenting role of father and mother had been a great joy for me and its worth mentioned here in point wise:-
:- Every normal child when born to form a family either male or female the child had been given a special rituals as per the community norms. Having failed to observe such ritual norms that child is considered as an out-cast child; having no proper father or mother. Such child right from the birth the community neglected and considered as a gypsy child and less botheration is given even in the family circle. Some time because of parent’s ignorance it also happened. At such period of time the relative from far and near ones pressurized that parents to immediately realize the mistake and time was given to perform such rituals for a corrective measures as per the law of the land. Such rituals in a way make the whole of the population in the same line of human equality of life in the community. Because of such observation of strict and compulsory performance of same rituals binds together the whole Naga society on the same strong footing of human equality of life and there has been no discrimination based on caste, color, sex, or status. Whatever you have done the rituals to your child was same to other children by the respective parents in a community. Nothing less or more, ritual common blessings to each and every child was given by the Naga parents. Crossing that limitation line of fixed and common rituals by the parents and made extra or additional rituals in pronouncing the words for favor of a particular child was regarded as an abnormal child because of the selfish parents and the society earmarked such child’s growth for a manhood. Less than the standard ritual also considered as a bad omen to that child and when sickness or misfortune comes to that child; parents realized their parenting role and took immediate remedial action by changing the normal life and seek the omnipotent blessings for the growth of that child to a full human hood. At the extreme situation the parents were compelled to give a new name to that particular child after observation of all rituals.
Under such common and uniform code of conducts given to all children in the Naga society, Nagas were same and equal in all aspects of life. There were no suppression or imposition in the society; but equality in all aspects of life was the foundation of society. Therefore there was no class system of society. No doubt that talents and exposures were not same and many took the same line of parent’s life; but there was no compulsion. The choice of vocation and profession was given to all Naga people base of their talents, physical strength and the family back-ups. There was no compulsion or forceful influence of life even to the children by the respective parents and also each and every individual identity irrespective of background sex or physical status was treated as same based on their likings or interest of life. When considered the extreme points of individual choice of life in the society after considering his/her likings the society as a whole involved in saying one voice to enjoy life by saying “you are beautiful and it’s high time for you to go in the prostitute line of life and make the village fame in your wandering life as gypsy woman and let other people know that this village could produce a good physical woman. “ By seen and witnessing her moral and feelings of a particular woman such comments were courageously uttered to her by the elders who had experiences the women life in the past years together. To such persons the particular woman might angrily react such comment or not able to digest the truth, but when argued upon the comment the elderly person slowly and persistently citing the past women life one after another and she had no point to argue and accepted the life in truth. As such there was really no other motive to educate the population but relay on life truth. Therefore the truth was prevailed in the past Naga society and beyond that no person favored each other in the line of blood relationship or status. The justice, the rule of the land, the social custom and practices which bind the whole society base on the truth as an utopian small society, having no biasness. That is the actual birth right of each and every citizen of Naga society.
In the small time framed set by the village like occasion of festivals, the whole population of the village rose early in the morning and sought the blessing of Almighty God and started the daily activities. Direct competitions, in all respects were internalized in ones habit of life and there were no hesitations to follow the principles of life. To go deeper in the real life of time factor competition, the experienced earned during my childhood days with the guidance of my father “At young age around 4 years, there was a festival in the month of the severest cold winter I was taken to public well early at dawn to take sprinkle of water ceremony wearing a piece of shawl and no wear in my body. On reaching the well my father fetches the well water in his hand and sprinkled upon my body with all the able-fortune blessings. The words he had spoken blessing words during the sprinkle of water were as follow; “Let my son be blessed with all good fortunes to be in the line of head not tail, let my son rises up beyond other cannot reach and go deepest where others cannot reach. Let all the good fortunes follow him in all his life in the years to come”. The earlier the better of pure and undisturbed water was the notion and the village fathers rushed to the public well to get fathers blessings on the very dawn of the day. What a tough competition for the fathers of the village. It was beyond the word punctuality but a real consciousness of time bound competition. In all other daily heavy schedules of the day that the use of logical time factor was internalized in their life and never delay anything in life. Such first fore-front competition cutting across all difficulties, with the blessing of the father to the younger ones follows the foot-step of their father’s words and go ahead without any excuses.
To lead the group or community not to be the followers of other was the Naga inherited blood in all affairs of life. Such mentality of tough competition never die-down and all Nagas at that period accepted the reality of life and played no other motive of self-appreciation or other maligned tactics. For them the time framed and routine life of cultivation, sowing of seeds, weeding and nurturing and clearing, transplantation and harvesting etc all was time bound works and all villagers followed the same strict routine life of the village authority. Following that the whole village didn’t need door-lock, no thief and robbery and the society was free and opened to all for a happy and enjoyed the active social life of the village. Hectic and heavy scheduled life was not a burden for the past Nagas, but a challenge in life to go forward and gave their best as God’s demands our best was their motto. Therefore there was no late comer in any meeting or works and never ever wait for each other to begin any type of proceedings. What a strict punctuality was followed by our Naga past life.
In the past life of Nagas there was no watch or any other devices to determined the time, only the SUN and the natural fall of night or darkness were the only means to ascertain the time how, where and when to proceed the work. The instinct of Naga people was so sensitive to fore-cast the weather and responded promptly without any delay. That period without invention or science devices was pure and life was so much routined in performing the activities of human survival and existences.
Human being as a whole is a social animal and have a proper relationship with one another in all dealings. As such the Naga society too whether good or bad administered by some norms and usages even in the field opposite sex relationship. It is natural that the attraction of each other between the sexes are universally there in human life, but that was also set under a certain social norms by the Naga society and it was passed the code of conducts by the parents to the children generation after generations. When a boy or a girl reached to a certain age of maturity and the physical status also reach up to grown-up stage of life they were sent to boy or girl dormitory for social interaction with the same age-group and learned the social practices and usages. These dormitories were the social institution to learn and qualified them self for choosing their life partners in life. The choose for partnership was opened to initiate by the male only. The female when like the person has the power to agree or disagree as per her opinion or family acceptance.
In due course of staying in the dormitory there was no chance of courting or any other intimacy relationship. The boy or girl was free to appreciate one’s own choice but cannot have special appointment or engagement unless their stay in dormitory was completed. In a year during the spring season festival the youths in general had a beauty or handsome contest of the village. It was awkward to say that during such festival the girls were given womanhood title after she was exposed her chastity and virginity to the man whom both of them agreed to live together for time as per their wish. It was not abiding factor to live together permanently as wife and husband, but only a trial period to test their role of parent ship without any force. The shouldering of new responsibility period hardly put them as wife and husband and lives permanently, except in some rear case. Mostly the trial period of wife and husband was one month at the most and pregnancy problem also very rear. The device or method of intercourse during that period was applied or not, was put in question in order to avoid pregnancy. After that period was over the village allowed her to bear long hair for her beautification as a woman. Before this mentioned trial period woman youths were not allowed to bear long hair, but shave the hair and wear long ear-lace as a sign of her chastity and virgin.
When marriage time of their children approached, the parents were very conscious to act according to the Naga customs and usage in arranging the marriage. The boy youth parents always initiated the proposal of marriage to the girl’s parent. Before such proposal was pronounced the boy’s parent kept in mind the following points of importance for purity and blameless line of ancestral line. WhetherW the girl’s ancestral bloodline was good or bad tracing back her line of life; such as physical deformities in kids and kin race, mental soundness in ancestral line, social status of the ancestral, and the habits of trustworthy and responsible citizen in the society, tracing back to her father and mother bloodlines. The initiation of the marriage proposal was done by the father’s sisters who married already and could able to know clan/khel bloodline. When the boy agreed such proposal of two three girls priority was noted and steps were taken one after another. Lastly the parents of both boy and girl meet and the final decision was taken by the boy’s parent in consultation with the relative. It was a long process and the blessing of relative (dear and love ones) were taken before the acceptance of the marriage proposal. In the mean time the boy and girl’s parent set aside some days to know the dreams and seek God’s guidance for their children future life. Bad dreams were bad omen and discussed frankly between the parents. After thorough interpretation and seek another chance of dreams of God’s direction the decision was taken openly between the parents. The actual marriage fixing of date and the proceeding rituals were arranged between the parents and to acquaint with the boy and girl time were arranged for them to share each other view of marriage life.
The role of parents in the past Naga society was too wide and the responsibility of parents for the children better life was too deep that the present Naga society could apprehend in detail and practice in the present Naga society. The writer family father lived at transitory period of the past and the present Naga society and could recollect the past family life of their father and mother’s responsibilities and burdens. Therefore the clear role of the past Naga parents could be depicted and passed it to the children through verbal history channel. A lot of omissions and corrections might be there in this article because the practices and usages in line of Naga customs and norms might be varied from village to village, so the writer beg your apology the contained of the article if it is not exactly as other Naga parents played it role in guiding and directing their own children for a better living. May this parenting role of the past Naga society bears it impact in the present Naga society, so as to maintain the Naga unique history and distinctive identity from generation to generations to come. Let the readers crape the real meaning of the article and properly analyze the parenting role, whichever is good, applicable in day to day between children and parent relationship. The norm and usages were changed allots with the advancement of society in all sphere of life, but beneath all changes of society there lies the original ancestral root where we all are linked and we are bound to follow the traceable foot-steps of the society and analyze from where we have gone wrong and missed the real route of our identity and uniqueness. Somewhere or for some reason of self-interest might be the reason we might divert the true path of our ancestral. Was the blessing of parents in performing the rituals or pre-marriage interference of boy and girl etc were the reasons of social unrest and chaotic condition of Naga society?. Let us think and reason together, also share our views together for a better solution of Naga society.
